We humans are creatures of habit - even when it comes to the words we use to express ourselves on a daily basis. Small, subconscious routines develop quickly and can bring us considerable advantages:
- We speak more fluently so that listeners feel picked up and can follow along better
- We have our own individual terms and thus convey what we think more quickly
- We radiate more confidence as we have our own speech pattern and are therefore better able to arouse emotions
However, as we are used to from our everyday lives, unwanted habits creep in here and there that we would actually like to get rid of, as...
... they interrupt our flow of speech,
... convey our attitude incorrectly
... or even distort the content of our own statement.
If we observe ourselves when speaking and writing, we can recognise some patterns, but we need tangible alternatives in order to give deadlocked expressions the boot in the long term.
1 BUT
Let's start with an absolute classic, the "but". I'm sure we've all heard the following sentence:
"Nothing anyone says before the word "but" counts."
This is clearly an exaggeration. As with many idioms, it is the meaning that is exciting, not its universal validity. A "but" not only links two statements in terms of content, it also creates a juxtaposition and can be interpreted as an evaluation. We quickly give neutral statements a new meaning. Was that our intention?
"The weather is nice. I still have to work."
"The weather is nice, but I still have to work."
2 ONE/YOU/THEY
Who is actually "they"? Who is this "one"?
Both words are general pronouns, also known as impersonal pronouns. They do not refer to a person and can only be understood in context. Nevertheless, we use them again and again in our language. We often speak vaguely and noncommittally because it is easier for us.
"You can definitely still get tickets" is much easier to say in passing than "I'll look for tickets". But we achieve goals through commitment and how we deal with this is inevitably reflected in the way we express ourselves.
3. UM
"Um", "Uh" and elongated vowels (e.g. "sooooo") have always been the most popular gap fillers. After all, the flow of speech must always be maintained, right? A fallacy.
On average, we perceive speakers who work with pauses and occasional phases of silence as much more pleasant. The assumption that "um's" are a result of ignorance can therefore be considered wrong. Rather, the problem behind them is that many people find it difficult to give themselves and their listeners a break from time to time. On the other hand, it is impossible to advertise breaks enough: they allow us to catch our breath, gather our thoughts, get our listeners' attention and give them time to process information!
4. ACTUALLY
"Actually, I feel like going out for dinner today."
"But?"
That would be the sarcastic but accurate counter-question. Words such as actually, quasi, probably and many more fall into the category of softeners. We often use them in places where a decision is pending or we are not yet sure, but at the same time they boycott our statement.
"I fancy going out for dinner today."
"Okay."
5 SUBJUNCTIVE
The subjunctive is a real motivation killer! Sure, it often stems from the well-intentioned intention of not offending our dialogue partners and giving them space. However, it usually has a different effect - we disguise ourselves and our intentions.
The most classic context in which we limit ourselves with the subjunctive is in sales: "would have" or "could have" remove any commitment from a statement and suggest neither openness nor transparency with regard to the sales intention.
Of course, what applies to all of our word patterns also applies to the subjunctive - we want to consciously pay attention to its use instead of demonising it in principle. "Honey, could you take out the rubbish?" sounds much friendlier than "Honey, take out the rubbish!".
